A collection of witticisms from years in the industry:

Rule # 1
Great creative ideas depend entirely on passion, imagination and a
good fat check.

Rule # 2
Brainstorming is the rock & roll part of any creative process.

Rule # 3
The designer who is in love with his Apple computer must seek
professional help immediately.

Rule # 4
The copy writter with the most deadlines won't make it to happy
hour.

Rule # 5
The agency with the most awards must be investigated.

Rule # 6
The client with the biggest flat-screen monitor is not allowed to
argue about the final bill.

Rule # 7
The client who believes that great creative concepts are generated
by computer software shouldn't be your client. If you must make an
exception, charge him twice as much.

Rule # 8
The client who acts controlling and pretends to play "creative
director" most likely believes he can represent himself in court too.

Rule # 9
There is only one thing worse than a bad concept, and that is a
good concept gone bad.

Rule # 10
The closer the deadline, the faster the clock ticks.

Rule # 11
If you drink, don't email.